grandma shit on top of the toilet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
