Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
