Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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