hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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