Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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