I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I want a musical about memes.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
