So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
