I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
