Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
