Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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