Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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