I have demons in me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
