I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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