Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
