So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
