the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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