I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
