Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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