I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
