Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
