i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
