she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
