You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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