Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
