You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
