I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
should my penis look like a turkey
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
