Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
