i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
