last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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