Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
