You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
