dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
