I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
