batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
