sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My cat gives me a boner
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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