The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
