I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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