Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
