R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
