i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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