9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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