So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
