And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
