Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
