mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
