I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
