i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
FUCK WHALES
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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