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Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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