I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
