My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
