well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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