I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
