You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
