I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
