Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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